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Listening is Love

Ever since I was a little kid, I always had a best friend. Never a group of friends, but always one deep close friendship at a time. I would pour everything into these friendships. Others would often speak of my deep bonding with these friends as extensions of myself. Like spiritual marriages. I needed to go deep. I needed to connect with my heart and soul in order to trust. I fell in love again and again with that level of intimacy.

Now, I see how that part of me shows up in my work as an intimacy coach and the key ingredient in all those friendships were that these great lifelong friends were all great listeners. Intimacy is steeped in listening. To be able to sit with another person and be fully present. To be open and curious. To not be in a rush or to come back quickly with another thought or be witty. To not be in our heads preparing something to say while another person is speaking.

It’s so rare. I find it so rare.

When I find someone who is able to listen as much as I can listen, or someone who is curious about me as much as I am curious about them, I fall in love with them as a person, as a friend. When I discover that level of genuine intimate presence, my heart naturally opens.

Unfortunately, I did not find that intimacy in my own biological family. Because its such a foundational way of being and communicating, I never felt my heart connect to those people. But I did find that family in the world and when I sit with them and share what’s going on inside me, I know that they will listen and see in to me. And that is the intimacy I have built my work upon because nothing feels as good or as real to me as intimacy. And the path to that good feeling that is the gift I offer the world



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